Friday, December 12, 2008
Will I always have guilt. How do I balance being a mommy and taking care of myself?
I have to say, I do everything for my baby, as a good mommy should with a 2 year old, whom is the size of baby GODZILLA. Besides that, I have lost myself in this mommy thing! I mean, I can not be selfish for a moment. And I am starting to fall apart at the seems, have gained weight, wear no makeup, have no hair style. For the love of god, I do not even have a clue what is in fashion any more! I always new the fashion trends, (most looked ridiculous on me). But at least I knew them. Now I wear black cargo's (fooling myself that they are hip). zip hoodie's, and the UGLIEST SHOES IN THE WORLD, but they are so damn comfortable. I swore I would never ever put these shoes on in public, I made fun of friends whom would wear them. And now I have succumb to the dreaded CROC, yes I said it, and you read it right. The god forsaken CROC! In black, Like the color would make that shoe cool. NOT!! Why do I NOT CARE about myself anymore? And isn't it important to take care of yourself? I mean, I do eat, (mostly scraps, from every ones plate) wash (not everyday), brush teeth and hair (most o the time). And some days I even look nice, and then some I hide behind big sunglasses, and a hoodie. Then a lot of time's I just stay home. Is this because he, as in the LOVE OF MY LIFE, is 2, or because I am a new mommy, or an older mommy, or all three combined! I am up a creek without a paddle, if it is all three combined! I have friends that are mom's, we will use, say (SC) whom always looks good, and gets her hair done, nails, shops for herself, and go's on dates with her husband and girlfriends. HOW DO YOU DO THAT? Well I should mention her kids are in school, so that could be the slight difference! And, you read this blog Miss. S, (you know who you are). Ok, to get back to the subject at hand. How do you balance between yourself and your baby? I guess what I really mean is, WITHOUT GUILT, knowing that you love your child, but that if you do not take a little CARE AND TIME for yourself, that you will become a house hag, not a Demestic Godess! How do you find the balance? I want to be the best mother ever, but I still want my husband to think he has it made, with a good looking, wonderful wife and mom. I have hardley talked about him, because I think seriusly my husband could give a hoot what I look like some days. It's a COMPLETLEY driffrent story if he is seen in public with me thou. Talk about pressure! Holy crap! I have seen those men, whom treat there wives like the ugley older sister. Horiribale but true, AND I NEVER WANT TO BE THAT!! So I ask you, how do you balance motherhood, and domestic GODDESS? Yeah, and I guess HOT WIFE? (that one will come with the other, so not too worried about it) ) OK, maybe a little..
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8 comments:
Well I am not a Mom, so I have yet to experience this balance, but you have to have time for yourself too, I know that!
You asked and I answer. I have depression, chronic anxiety, OCD, Social Anxiety Disorder, bipolar and a few less worrisome ones scrambled in there. I have been on meds since I was 18, when my last grandparent died that was my "trigger"...ohhh psychiatrist...hate them!! :)
It's a hard balance and I struggle with it every day. When I was going to work every day it was easier because I HAD to be dressed and professional. Now that I'm a SAHM it's much harder. Saturday nights are the only day that I get to see G so that's the day that I fix up.
Maybe you could find a sitter and have a hot date with your hubby?
I have 3 children ages 9, 6, and 3.
It is hard to balance but you have to make the time for yourself. I go once a month to have my hair colored, cut in a cute style, and have my eyebrows waxed. I also make time to go to lunch with friends once a month or every other month. I also make it a point to go on dates with my husband--he needs to be taken care of too.
You just have to make it work. And I promise after the first couple of times--it's a breeze!!
I'll let you know in a month or two...:)
I don't have children, but 99.9% of my friends do. I know that you can only give what you have to give -and that if you don't take time to re-charge yourself and feel like a woman -you'll burn out and it sounds like you might already be in a bad cycle.
You can think that A) A little separation from the parent is a good thing. I taught two year olds in a preschool, and it was great for them to learn some social skills and for the parents to hit the gym or grocery store. AND B) What I mentioned above. You are the most important person in his life and he needs you to be your best and you can't be your best if you aren't taking care of yourself.
I have one friend who takes one night all to herself, every week. She needs it and she most certainly deserves it and I'm sure its good for her husband to take a turn with his kids.
Date nights are important too! Find a sitter! And don't feel guilty about it.
At first I had (for myself) to be perfect. Getting up with the baby each time, a spotless house, working out when I had NO sleep ect.
All that fell behind me when my baby got her first cold. It scared the sh** out of me and I understood then that I was Not a perfect 50's wife and mother.
I lost touch wih friends, gained weight and became obsessed with taking care of my daughter.
She started preschool.
She made friends.
I had to get a life!
It hit me pretty hard when I relized that women have lives outside of kids and work.
I get up an hour earlier then everyone else and have my cappuacino(sp). I do my makeup and hair and watch the sunset. Then I wake up my daughter, little brother (who lives with us) and my hubby. I get them ready, eat and the morning rush starts.
My husband loves my curves, you just have to work them!! Our sex life is better than ever!! I think it's those moments when everyone but us is asleep or he "helps" with folding clothes in the laundry room--it makes it really hot!!
Top it off with bi weekly lunch dates with the girls, a good book, blogging and there you have it-- a balancing act.
I know what you are going through with having a 2 year old myself. It is definately a hard balance.
My husband and I plan date nights on occasion, my hubby is really good at knowing when I need a break so that helps me out.
I also have a cousin with young kids so her and I plan girls nights out, either with just us or a group of us. Now mind you, I don't do either on a weekly basis, but "we" know when we are getting to that point where we could use some "adult" conversation - which mainly focuses on the kids. LOL
I don't let myself feel guilty cause I think it is important to get that break. I didn't take much "me" time when my son was little as I do now, and I think I have way more patience now than i ever did getting a break!
Do I miss my kids when I am gone? YUP! But I think it makes me a better mom getting a break so when I come home I can refocus on my kids and I feel refreshed. It calms me down and gives me more peace and patience.
I also started a playgroup with some of my girlfriends and their young kids. We switch houses every week. I look forward to see the other "mom's" and we get to talk while the kids have "free" play..plus we make sure to have a little feast so we can eat lunch cause as a mom, I have to admit that rarely happens!
A break is nothing to feel guilty about, even if it is just an hour, it can be so refreshing!
Thank you for all of your advise. Trust me, I needed it. I will have to take baby steps. I know this sounds dumb, but you think your child may love you less if you leave them home for once! I clearly have issues...
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